It's been interesting watching my mental processes over this past year. January and February were very much about setting myself up for a year of writing; new desk, printer, laptop, pens, notebooks .... all the tools I'd need. When it was all set and laid out before me, I was stricken with panic. They demanded a lot of me and I didn't know if I could deliver. However, I got to work, but was only too well aware that my day's work at the desk was not (yet at least) bringing in any money. Add to that was my sense of having lost an identity. After all, I'd been a teacher for 26 years and that's how I answered when anyone asked me what I did. The publishing of Whispers allowed me to say that I was an 'author' instead, but it didn't slip smoothly or convincingly from my lips. In fact, I felt like a fraud and had to face the fact that really, I was just another try-hard, stupid enough to give away a very good job and to sacrifice long-term security. When these thoughts filtered in I got busy. I took on every emergency teaching position I was offered; I tutored; I completed a Cerificate IV in Training & Assessment; I undertook Yoga Teaching Training; I applied to TAFEs for employment. Now these are all good things, but you might notice a particular thread that, believe it or not, I had become totally oblivious to: they were all about teaching! I'm not disputing the need to do these things, the necessity of providing a financial spine to my daily life and I am very grateful the opportunities given to me over this time, but for ten months of this year I consistently identified myself with teaching only. But things changed ...

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AuthorAmanda Apthorpe